Confused

I don't know what to do anymore.

Quiz

Quiz: An examination consisting of questions.

1. Last beverage – Coke
2. Last phone call – Nan
3. Last text message – Mitchell
4. Last song you listened to – Jesse’s Girl – Glee version
5. Last time you cried – Last Thursday

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice - No
7. Been cheated on? - No
8. Watched a movie more than 10 times? Yes
9. Lost someone special? – Yes
10. Been depressed? – Extremely down in the dumps
11. Been drunk? – Drunk, but not overly so, or smashed.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Blue
13. Purple
14. Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends - Yes
16. Fallen out of love – Yes
17. Laughed until you cried – Yes
18. Met someone who changed you - Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were – Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you – Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list – On the cheek
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life – I think everyone except maybe ten.
3. How many kids do you want to have – Probably two? I don’t know.
24. Do you have any pets – 1 cat and 1 guinea pig
25. Do you want to change your name – No
26. What did you do for your last birthday – Nothing
27. What time did you wake up today – My alarm was at 7:35am but I turned it off and slept till 9:23am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night – Asleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – Vanuatu
30. Last time you saw your father – About an hour ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – A few choices I made back when I was young
32. What are you listening to right now – Two and a Half Men
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - Yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? - Insecurities
35. What's the most embarrassing thing you've done – Fall off Drama stage in Year 9
36. Whats your real name – Anita Louise Bennett
37. Relationship Status – Single
38. Zodiac sign- Sagittarius
39. Male or female - Female
40. Primary School – St. Marys
41. High School - Carroll College
42. College – Looking at Wollongong
43. Hair colour - Brunette
44. Long or short – Medium length I guess.
45. Height – Like a year ago I was 168cm
46. Do you have a crush on someone? – Not necessarily. I just think some people are attractive.
47. What do you like about yourself? – Lately: not much.
48. Piercings – Just one in each ear.
49. Tattoos – Perhaps one day when I think I can handle the pain.
50. Righty or lefty - Right

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery – Lungs
52. First piercing - Ears
53. First tattoo – In the future
54. First best friend – Elizabeth
55. First sport you joined – I don’t remember? Swimming?
56. First pet - Muffin
57. First vacation remembered – Various trips around Victoria visiting the caves
58. First concert – Soundwave 2010
59. First crush – In Year 5.
60. First alcoholic drink – A sip of one of my mum’s vodka mudshakes

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating - Nothing
62. Drinking - Nothing
63. I'm about to – Go to bed
64. Listening to –Two and a Half Men
65. Waiting to – Finish this.

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? - Yes
67. Want to get married? - Yes
68. Careers in mind? - Teacher

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
69. Lips or eyes – Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses - Hugs
71. Shorter or taller – Taller
72. Older or Younger – Either except I would have limits
73. Romantic or Spontaneous - Both
74. Nice stomach or nice arms – Don’t mind.
75. Tattoos or piercings – Don’t’ mind but not too many.
76. Sensitive or loud – Both
77. Hook-up or relationship - Relationship.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant – Neither

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger – No
80. Drank hard liquor – Straight vodka?
81. Lost glasses/contacts – Yes
82. Sex on first date - No
83. Broken someone's heart – No
84. Had your own heart broken – Yes
85. Been arrested? - No
86. Turned someone down - No
87. Cried when someone died – Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a girl – No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself – Rarely
90. Miracles - Rarely
91. Love at first sight – Attraction at first sight?
92. Heaven and hell - Yes. Gives me hope.
93. Santa Claus – Until I was six
94. Kissing on the first date? – Doesn’t bother me.
95. Angels – Not particularly

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – Yes
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? - No
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? - Yes
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? – Those who support me and those who I support
100. Posting this as 100 truths? - No

List

List: a database containing an ordered array of items (names or topics).

A couple of days ago I began to create a Bucket List which I aim to complete before I ‘kick the bucket’. I did get the idea from a couple friends of mine that have a list already and are on their way to completing it. I’ve spent the last couple of months just sporadically thinking about life and what I wish to squeeze out of it. Yes, I do hope to have a family someday, make a decent living and own a nice car.

I was thinking more along the lines of experience when I began writing the list. Some of them are what you could generally expect to appear on one’s Bucket List such as learn sign language, or visit a foreign country. Others I spent time thinking about, just wondering what sort of things I wanted to achieve in order to feel accomplishment and to feel as though my life was worth living. Some of the items reflect my personality and nature to a tee; ones in which I am extremely excited to complete.

I don’t have anything else to write about in this blog that would interest anyone, so instead I will include the list of 51 items.

1. Go counter clockwise at a roundabout
2. Fly Internationally
3. Fly Domestically
4. Travel to America to drive on right hand side
5. Be a witness for a Vegas wedding
6. Climb Mt. Kosciusko
7. Club hop
8. Club in a gay club
9. Write an exact 10,000 word story (may include title)
10. Dine by myself at a restaurant
11. Build a picnic table
12. Buy everything featured on one page of a catalogue (eg: KMART, Woolies etc)
13. Climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge
14. Bake and decorate cakes and cupcakes for five hours straight
15. Give up chocolate and all chocolate related products for one month
16. Read any version of the dictionary cover to cover
17. Complete a 2000 piece jig-saw puzzle
18. Play an entire game of golf
19. Visit the snow and learn to ski
20. Learn and REMEMBER how to say hello in 25 different languages
21. Ride in a hot air balloon
22. Travel to England
23. Go on a cruise
24. Learn sign language
25. Bounce 100 times on a pogo stick without falling off
26. Spray paint a car
27. Grow cucumbers
28. Participate in the 40 Hour Famine
29. Donate blood
30. Drive a Ferrari
31. Burn a Twilight book
32. Create a Youtube video
33. Do not talk for a week
34. Put away a $1 each day for an entire year and then give it to a Charity
35. Trace my family tree back several generations
36. Do not sleep for 48 hours
37. Cover all commonly used furniture with bubble wrap
38. Learn Logs and Exponentials
39. Spontaneously hop on a plane destined for somewhere within Australia and spend the night there.
40. Visit the Gold Coast
41. Sponsor a child
42. Jump off of a bridge (into water… deep water… but not incredibly deep water)
43. Go and see some football game live
44. Visit my childhood school, house, town (cannot complete until at least 30-40)
45. No internet access for one week
46. Take up photography
47. Meet a celebrity (doesn’t need to be really famous)
48. Walk through a busy mall in a city dressed in a some sort of animal suit
49. Write down EVERYTHING that is bothering you
50. Collect 200 pens
51. Record all Bucket List completions in a scrapbook

Search

Search: the activity of looking thoroughly in order to find something or someone.

It is incredibly frustrating when you have to do have to check the contents of your bedroom every morning before school and as soon as you arrive home from school. I HATE the fact that I have to spot check everywhere to ensure that nothing has been taken. To make it worse, you deny it every time. When something goes missing But, whenever you leave the house to hang out with your ‘friends’ I search through your private room and discover those items of mine.

But you see those things that you take as a benefit on your behalf; on my behalf it is a loss. These items are mine, bought by myself out of my own pocket. I can’t keep continuously supplying for you just because you enjoy spending six hours having a ball in my room, looking into every nook and cranny.

I have things to buy, things to do. This requires money, my money. I cannot afford to replace the items that you steal and then proceed to use. I’m in the process of saving up for the end of November, and attempting to spend wisely.

It does not help when you take clothes, jewellery, money, makeup, perfume, stationary, moisturises/body products, and other various small items you think I do not notice.

You’re wrong. I recently tidied my room and I know where EVERYTHING is. Yes, some I take more notice of and check daily, but mark my words, I do notice within a week of its disappearance.

I cannot keep up with you. If you had your way I would be left with nothing. You’re selfish and take what is not yours, without considering anything but your own needs and wants.

According to you, everything else is second after yourself. Trust me, that is not going to get you anywhere in life.

While I’m at school, completing secondary education, you’re at home watching Family Guy on DVD, hardly leaving the bedroom except to microwave some soup.

That’s not how to live. You only leave the house when it suits you best.
You only leave your bed when you need to use up all the hot water for the day in a boiling hot shower or pilfer through my room.

Yes, I am rambling but I am angry. I cannot make you realise that my room is my place.

Call the search off.

Edit

Edit: Prepare for publication or presentation by correcting, revising or adapting.

Some people would say that life could be compared to a play. Each Act describes a various stage within our life such as Primary School and High School. The scenes describing the sub-units within each Act, such as Year 1 or Year 8. The first scene is our birth and our play’s last scene is our death.

If life is a play, shouldn’t we, as the play writers, decide what is incorporated into it, the stage directions, dialogue, characters and the plot? Shouldn’t we edit the play before it is shown in front of an audience?

Unfortunately, we are unable to edit our play. So some extent we have control over who should be in our play, our lives, what we say and do and how the plot pans out. But we have no control over the past; the previous Acts and Scenes.
Unlike a film, we cannot go back and edit the film before it is displayed to an audience. We cannot practice living our lives over and over again until we have perfected it.

I wish that I could edit my life, my past and my experiences so that it is fit for publication. I wish that I could correct my mistakes, revise my future before performing it and adapting my life to suit my standards.
But this is not so. You cannot edit the past. You cannot edit the future because it is unknown.

Actors know the entire dialogue, stage directions and plot for the play they perform. They have practiced and practiced in order to build up their character.

In a way this does relate to us. Throughout our play, we grow as a character and establish relationships with other characters. We are the protagonist, and we have enemies; antagonists. There are minor characters in our lives that do not change who we are, and then we have those characters that are important to our plot line, and our characterisation.

So I guess, in my opinion, a play could be a metaphor for life.
I only wish that we could edit our play.

I shall leave you with the inspiration for this blog.

“It is not my intention to give away the plot; but i think I die at the end.” – W;t by Margaret Edson (page 2).

“This is my play’s last scene, here heavens appoint
My pilgrimages last mile; and my race
Idly, yet quickly run, hath this last pace,
My spans last inch, my minutes last point,
And gluttonous death will instantly unjoint
My body, and soul...” an excerpt from Holy Sonnet – This is My Play’s Last Scene by John Donne.

Responsibility

Responsibilty: the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force.

As you grow older you are held responsible for more things.
At first it was to dress yourself, make your bed and eat your vegetables.
Now it is to be a role model and a perfect example for the entire school.
Of course responsibilites can be separated into different sections. Responsibilities as a student, role model, member of a family, friend and a member of the local community.

Some days I just wish my list of responsibilities was to make my bed. Some days I hate having responsibilities.
We can either be forced into them or volunteer; usually a mixture of both.

You volunteer to hold the responsibility of being a good driver because that also benefits yourself. You volunteer to get something out of it. 

Like the defintion above, some you are forced into and demanded to comply; such as vacuuming daily or cleaning your room when you'd rather be with your friends or even on facebook.
There are those rare incidents where people volunteer for more responsibilies because that is there nature and they do not mind.

I like to think that when I volunteer for responsibilities I am helping someone in an unselfish way.
For example the Red Shield Appeal at the end of May.
Though sometimes I am selfish.

Recently the entire year has been reproached for our 'lack of accepting the responsibility as leaders of the school.'
It confuses me as to how having every year 12er wearing their ties up to their chin, hair up, shirts tucked in and wearing the correct shirt will make the younger years do it too.

Having too many responsibilities at a time can have a negative effect. It only makes the individual rush to keep each, which may show poor results.

I'm responsible for my own wellfare, homework, getting ready in the morning alone, studying for the HSC, managing my time efficiently, being a role model, applying myself wisely in class and at home, and yes makin my bed and getting dressed. To name a few.

Sometimes I have to rush through things in order to complete them all. I then look back and realise I could have done better. 

Responsibilties; neverending.    

Mother

Mother: A woman who has given birth to a child (also used as a term of address to your mother).

My, it’s been a while since I have blogged; two weeks almost. During that time I’ve actually began to write a few, but ended up giving up half way through because I lost my ‘edge’?

Today is Mother’s Day. The whole of Australia recognises today as the day to celebrate our mothers, grandmothers, aunties even.
As usual, I didn’t even get to see mine.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me if I didn’t make my mum breakfast in bed, or buy her a material gift to prove my love for her.
I do love her, despite everything that has happened between us in my life. I just hope that she does know that I love her, even during the times I have caused her pain, and vice versa.

Deep down, it is there. I’ve never had a close bond with her. I actually have not seen her since January the 18th when I visited her at her work for five minutes with a couple of friends; the first friends of mine to meet my mother.

Yes, I do feel guilty that I have not been able to see her for four months, and I plan to see her within the next month if things go according to plan.
I love you mum.

This weekend has been average of sorts, but then again, it has been the best weekend I’ve had in about two weeks.
Friday night I watched movies with two of my close friends.
Saturday I went shopping and picked up new school shoes, a pair of winter pyjamas, nail polish and makeup.
Saturday afternoon was spent helping my beautiful friend clean her house, and then plan for an epic night; which sadly failed.

And Sunday; today. I did not leave the house and instead actually did study notes for Business Studies and Biology. My aim is to have all of my study notes (except for Maths) finished and ready before the holidays so that I can go out during that time and not feel guilty for not studying for the Trail HSC, which is looming ahead.

It just amazes me how quickly time is passing. Just yesterday I remember rocking up back at school on the 29th of January with Rachael and our dodgy parking in front of the entire two senior years. Now, we’re slowly preparing ourselves for the big practice HSC exams. Our one practice to have a slight taste test of the real deal.

I’m scared.

I can admit that. I am so worried about how everything is going to pan out in the next six months.
I suppose I should just let it take its course? But wear a helmet just in case? Perhaps even shin pads?

Unpredictable. Life is unpredictable.

You could have the same routine, week in week out, like the school timetable, but that does not mean that life is predictable. You can’t see around corners. You can’t see what’s over the hill. You can’t see what life has in store for you next.

I’m just glad that I have an amazing group of friends that can take my mind off of the academic side of life, and focus more on creating memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life, even after I die.

This blog has been jumping about. And the light of the computer is soporific.

Goodnight.
Happy Mother’s Day.

Vanuatu

Vanuatu: a volcanic island republic in Melanesia.

Just when you feel as though you are caught in the ocean, where wave after wave are crashing over you, something happens that gives you the strength to pull away from the rip.
Those waves are still crashing over your head, but you’re given the incentive to strive and achieve.

I’ve just realised how lucky I have it. I’ve had the chance to receive an education that, in some countries, could only be dreamed of.
Where in countries children dream of learning to read and write. It honestly just makes me think about how some of my dreams are much more materialistic.
Year 12 is a year of changes, the most important year in my entire thirteen years of schooling.

Two brilliant things made my day today. Two things that I will not take for granted.

1) I went for a Job Interview this afternoon after I visited the Bank. It’s at some new cafe down the street that I never knew existed. It opens up in a week or so. She’s fully staffed at the moment but the manager said you never know how long that’ll last. So after chatting with her for about fifteen minutes, I left her with my details. I’m so excited. I’ve actually been meaning to see my Careers Counsellor about compliling together a resume and finding a job in my local area. I’m sick of being a burden to my father.

2) After the last week of many of the year talking about Schoolies, and worrying about where I may find myself during that week, I think I am pretty sure where I am headed. My Nan actually told me that I was not allowed to head off to the Gold Coast before of all the news she hears on TV around that time, and I also cannot go because I will not be legal to drink yet. Thus I cannot party it up with friends in the clubs, pubs and bars. I’ve been hearing talk about Vanuatu where a few people from my year are going, including a couple close friends. Today I was invited to join them and I might just do that.

I finally get what people have been saying about how they are hyped up and cannot wait for the end of the year to be over.
I’ve never been on a plane before, never been overseas. I do not even have a passport (I must get me one of them).
I’m just excited to have something to look forward to after the HSC, something to keep me motivated, and keep my head above the water.

I need a job so that I can accumulate a few hundred dollars spending money. My dad Grandpa are talking about splitting the cost equally between them as a ‘Year 12 Graduation’ present for me.
It is not definite yet, but I talked it over with them tonight, and I will again tomorrow night after I receive more details.
The fixed cost is at $1400 for a Standard Package which includes Return Flights from Sydney Airport on the 27th November, 7 nights accommodation with free daily breakfast, and free access to the Resort’s pool, bar and DJ, and we will be returning on the 4th of December. 6 days before my eighteenth birthday. I plan to do some shopping while I am over there.

Apparently the legal drinking age over there is sixteen, they do not do I.D. checks. It’s at some Official Schoolies Resort for 16 to 18 year olds.
I may just explode of happiness.
But then again, I may explode of unhappiness if I am not able to go. $200 deposit is due by around Friday. I have no clue when the other $1200 is due, but it is not all needed in the immediate future.

Just realised how the quality of my blog has declined throughout its entire 700 word length.
Too bad.
I’m extremely happy and that is all that matters.
Off to bed for me :)

Sister

Sister: A female person who has the same parents as another person.

I don’t really know what to rant about in my blog today. Actually, I do have some things but I’d rather not say to the world; things I unhealthily keep bottled up inside my muddled up mind.
Lately I’ve been forced into a negative environment and I don’t know if I can handle it anymore.
It hurts to be called the things I’ve been called by my sister the past couple of days. It’s like she cannot bear to see me happy, that I don’t deserve happiness.

I’m a poor excuse for a teenager.
A poor excuse for a 17 year old.
A poor excuse for a Year 12er.
A poor excuse for a sister.
A poor excuse for a girl.

Having her say these things to me, as well as others, day after day eventually does drill into my head.
My friends would say otherwise, but I don’t know? I’m constantly around her and I cannot escape.
She doesn’t see what she’s doing to me. She knows it’s hurting me though. It’s unbelievable how much I let it get to me.
She’s family. I feel as though I cannot do anything because no one listens to me. No one can control her. I know I’m meant to love her, and I do. I just wish she never moved back down here again almost a month ago.

One minute she is calling me fat and ugly, the next she’s trying to laugh with me.
I don’t feel like laughing.
She’s loud, she’s obnoxious, she’s controlling, she’s a cake face, she’s just pathetic in a way.
But still she gets to me and I cannot block her out.
Okay, I’m at a loss for where to continue in this blog so I guess I may just leave it. I’m in the process of writing my close friends letters which I will hand to them in one go.
Off to write.

Anita.

Memory

Memory: the power of retaining and recalling past experience.

Sitting here in free period, on a single table, with ten minutes to go until recess, I look around me.
I take notice in the small things that have changed in the Resource Centre since I arrived here as a small, insignificant Year 7er.

The banners that parade themselves around the upper wall were not there. However the layout of the building has not changed. The tables still in the same position, the shelves of books still separating the computers from the tables.

I remember walking through the entrance of the school next to the canteen on my first day at high school. Being considered the smaller fish of the school, after a year of being the biggest in the pond. That was a massive change.
The conversation I had with a close friend since preschool, Elizabeth, and her mother in the car as she drove us to the school for our first day, is still fresh in my mind.
We speculated what High School would be like. If we would get lost. How big the Year 12ers would be. Would they eat us? What if we fail ‘big kid’ math? How do you read a timetable? Will we have any classes together?

Walking into the entrance, we saw the new Year 7ers huddling around the Resource Centre area including the grass and near the canteen. Still in primary school groups.

I’m not extremely good at remembering the earlier years of my life, and the exact order of events way back when.
But I remember 2005 quite clearly.

I did get lost. I had no idea where A1 was for art. I could find A2, but not A1. I had no classes with Lizzie or practically any other of my classmates from St. Marys. I was lost and too intimdated to ask for help. Eventually I asked Lizzie, and she showed me. At least I had the common sense to ask someone before I went wandering.

The school was so big compared to my primary school, having multiple ways to get to different classrooms. Via the senior courtyard, or in the alley way behind the computer rooms, or down by the Front Office back entrance. These were the options to get to the Wood Tech rooms.

I remember Nimble Place, before it was Nimble Place. My first ever PE lesson was on those logs, running back and forth. A big open wide space of dirt was where trees, green grass and the stage now stand.

I hope these memories stay with me. It is interesting to look back and view my younger perspective. The hallways so frightening, the heavy weight of my school bag.
Those are all old for me. They do not faze me anymore.

I walk hurriedly through the hallways, knowing where to go, how to read a timetable, how to manoeuvre through the throng of other students usually going the opposite direction. I know the shortcuts, how long it takes to get to class, which teachers come late, which are there practically on the bell. The weight of my school bag hardly bothering me.

You get into a routine, a habit. Things become second nature to you. I would always have to think about where the science blocks were. Now I just grab my bag and folder and walk to S3 for Biology. Not having a second glance at that trusted map in my diary I used to always have on hand.

After almost six years of high school, you know the ropes, you know the ins and outs. I feel powerful being at the top of the food chain again. But I still remember that it was not so long ago I was at the bottom, a small fry fish. Not important enough to be caught up in the net of homework, weighing me down with other fish.
As the years go on, I grew bigger. Beginning to attract attention of the homework net. I was ready to be caught and eaten by maths.

Year 9 was another turning point. Getting the freedom to choose two electives, actually having a say in what classes you want to do. Granted it was only two, it was freedom nonetheless.

I remember. Just as simply as that.
My first day, first camping trip a month into high school, the last day of Year 7, choosing electives in Year 9, Year 9 camp to Waterslea where I abseiled and canoed, Year 10 School Certificate, Formal, choosing subjects for Year 11 and 12, facing senior years, the senior retreat, and now the impending HSC.

The tasks grew more demanding, life became more complicated. I’m beginning to pinpoint where and when this occurred. Actually it’s taking me for a trip down memory lane.
It’s been quite a while since I have thought back to my younger years.
It amazes me how time has passed. Almost 13 years of schooling, 6 of high school.

The end of the path is just up ahead. I just hope that I can make it. I will try my best.
Two terms left of High School forever. And then it will be over.

But I will always have the memories to look back on.

Smile

Smile: a facial expression characterised by turning up the corners of the mouth.

I’m happy today and I don’t know the entire reason why. I guess it’s because I’ve just been floating around the past couple of days indoors, taking my time doing things, watching DVDs and just releasing my mind from everything.
This blog will just be about unimportant things. I suppose it’s better than my previous blogs telling the world how pitiful my life is.
Accomplishing smaller tasks helps me feel accomplished?

Actually, I’m glad that I’m spending these days in the house.
Perhaps I should go out and find a job. Perhaps I’ll think more about that over the next couple of days.
My day has been exceptionally decent.

Got a haircut in the morning (: 5cm off and soft layers.
On my way into town this morning, I walked past several small children, playing. Two were running each other around. One chasing the other for a bag of home brand lollies.

Life was simple back then.

No internet and Facebook. No complex issues. No major care in the world besides who gets the swing or who’s IT in tag.
I wonder what age I decided that the street wasn’t good enough to play in and started spending my time indoors reading more, watching DVDs and on the computer.
I remember being outside when I was 11 and 12. When I hit high school I started to slowly spend more time indoors.

Perhaps I decided the streets, tar roads and green grass, weren’t good enough for me. Like I was above it all?
I’m not.

-

Anyway. I love getting haircuts.
Perhaps I may dye it again. I still have a packet left over from just before summer ended.
Time to spend the next couple of hours writing down every thought in my brain onto paper or in a word document.
Doubt that would make them go away, but for now I’ve decided to take a stand against them. To own up, and man up, to life.
That probably sounds lame.

Cleaning my computer desk, I found my scrapbook that I started at the very end of last year and decided to make it up to date by filling in five pages since New Years Eve. I had to dig around and find the bits and pieces I had saved since UOW Discovery Day, Soundwave, the farewell party we held for a friend at the end of the summer and the recent Sydney trip, oh and a friend’s 18th.
Flipping through the book made me remember those times, and the memories that went with them, shared with close friends; those who I love.
I hope to continue to create memories like the ones I have experienced so far this year.

I’ve been catching up on much needed sleep the past couple of nights. Sleeping for at least nine hours each night.
I feel freer.

I shouldn’t let those couple of issues that have been haunting me for over a year keep winning. In time those issues will fade as a scar does.
I love those around me, I depend on those around me.
I went to the Bank today to deposit some money into my account. If I owe you money, come collect it as I’ve put it aside.

I will leave you all now as I depart to go and dance to Justin Beiber, 3OH!3 and Calvin Harris among others on my playlist.
Today I promised my Nan that I would clean the bathroom sink and bath, do the dishes and perhaps I’ll even go one step further and clean out the cupboard next to the fridge that contains all my childhood books that I could give away to Vinnies.
Hope this happiness is here to stay.

Interesting Fact: Someone keeps ringing the house phone and then hanging up after five seconds. Three times in the last fifteen hours.

This blog is sporadic and meaningless, jumping from place to place as I ramble on.

Anita (:

Sorry

Sorry: feeling or expressing egret or sorrow.

Alright, I've decided (with the help of someone) that I should be positive. Screw the whole 'glass half empty' perspective.
I guess I'm selish at times, I can take things for granted, I should stop.
I'm going to take it one day at a time.
Busy myself and make the most of this time alone.
I don't know to be honest.
When I put my mind towards something, I accomplish it faster.

You may have noticed that I deleted a post I wrote earlier today. I read over it and found it immature and pathetic.

I overreact alot with issues in my life. I had a similar thing happen to me just over a month ago, and I stupidly assumed that this sitation would follow the same, destructive path.
That incident a month ago hurt me, only know is it just beginning to heal.
After havin a few hours to think about it. This situation is different.
I do believe you gave me your honest opinion instead of ignoring me. And I'm so sorry I acted immature.
I see how ridiculous I was and didn't take into account your side.
I'm sorry that I sensationalised the situation, when all you were trying to do was tell me what I have been doing wrong, so that we can still maintain a strong relationship.

I just want you to know that I'm taking these few days to think about who I am, and how I can change so this can never happen again, and so I can give you much needed space away from me as you decide and recover from how I have reacted these past few days.
I just want you to also know that the way I have been acting these past few days is not how I am truly.
You've known me long enough to realise that that wasn't entirely me.

I love you all with my heart and hope that, even with how I reacted last night, you can still forgive me.
I hope I have not hurt your feelings, I truly hope I haven't
Please believe me when I say that.

I never wish to lose you and I'm also sorry that I have made your stay here this week probably less enjoyable.

I know I'll miss your limited time down here with us, and I'm sorry that I probably will not see you before you leave.

Great Expectations

I do realise this is my second post in under two hours, but things come up unexpectedly that I wish to blog about.

I honestly had great expectations for these holidays, to let loose and enjoy the time I have with friends while I still can.
Yet I think I will spend the rest of the holidays alone, alienated from friends.

I have not been myself lately. I wrote in an earlier blog that I'm like a volcano about to errupt.
My impending erruption has caused myself to become a different person at times.
And now that persona is coming back and hurting me even more.
I hold so much hurt that no one knows about.
I cannot win, my life is spiralling out of control.
I try to hold on to what little happiness I have.
The supply is running out.
My holidays are ruined.
You know the saying; one door closes another opens?
When that door does open, two more close.
I lose everything that means alot to me.
I don't deserve any happiness.
I wish I had time to do things differently.

Left Outside Alone

Have you ever been the only one who isn't in on something? Who's left out of something like a group event, a secret, and even the entire friendship altogether?
Have you been the person that invites themselves and tags along?
At these times, do you wonder if you are thought about? Been considered?

That one person is me.

I'm broken, alone, and sometimes forgotten, left outside alone unless I make the effort to walk inside, to make the effort to be enveloped in the warmth with everyone else.

Screw that effort of mine.
Screw that time I have wasted.
I don't prefer to sit at home alone all day, lazng in bed. But I have to unless I make plans.

I'm sorry but at the moment I feel as though some friends do not make an effort.
At the moment I feel as though I'm the only one who isn't in on anything.

And it hurts.

Give Up

Fuck it. I honestly do not think I can handle much more.
Every thing I do gets me in trouble or ignored. I can't do anything right.
Give me a break!
I'm sick of making the effort all the time, and receive nothing in return.
By that I don't mean the selfish 'i demand something in return' way.
Whatever.

You'll live longer if you're happy

I don't know I'd I've ever met anyone who is truly happy, at least most if the time. Is it even possible?
I've heard stories where people recover from terrible illnesses and complex surgeries, based on their optimism and desire to become better.
What would I do? Think positively or negatively?
The way I've been lately, I would say negatively.
Why am I thinking like this?

I have everything I need. Not exactly everything I want, but who does?
I really have to stop complaining about insignificant issues.
Okay, I'm trying to push aside my thoughts, but they're sneaky, coniving
threads of annoyance.


On the other hand, my holidays are beginning to pick up the pace and create memories.
Heading up to Sydney tomorrow to see Brooke and Sharni :) and attend Sharni's 18th :)

I'm sheltered, i've only been to Sydney once recreationally and I'm keen to create memories.
I need to open my eyes to the vibrant colours the world has to offer. I only see the world through dull, paled colours.

I know my flaws, my faults. What I don't know are my strengths.
I still do not know what they are.

I struggle to know who I am.

Who am I? What are my strengths?

New Beginnings

I just realised that among my numerous depressing blogs I never revealed any of the highlights so I've decided to do that now.
They say time heals wounds, and usually I wouldn't believe in that saying but I guess it could hold some respect.

I gave you space, when we were both in pain, and lately it seems as though you have become more polite, friendly.
You never know what you had until you lost it. I lost you, and now I will take anything you give me, and not ask for more.
Thank you for being polite and more friendly. It honestly helps me and let's me see the silver lining.

I'm grateful for what I have, tho at times I am jealous and selfish.
I'm jealous of those around me, and other times I wish I had more than I did.
But as I am left alone after my fit of rage and jealously, I think about what I have just done, said or thought.

As you have probably noticed, I have, yet again, changed the title of my blog to an oxymoron.
I've never been satisified with the name until last night.

Exams were a week and a bit ago, and now that they are over, I must be social again. I do not wish to be alone lately because all I do is think... And watch Skins :)

Actually, screw this post, I'm going to go watch Skins.

Confused

I realise it has been almost two weeks since I have blogged and a lot of things have happened; good and bad.
I have these thoughts in my mind that have been escalating for months and are slowly coming to the surface like that of a volcano.
Everybody thinks it may be dormant, but sometimes it is just inactive.
I'm that volcano.
Nobody pays that close of attention to me, granted I hide my true feelings well, at least I try to.
You think I'm dormant, never to errupt, but as the days go by, I'm coming closer to bursting, letting hot, raw emotions fly in all directions.
I know these thoughts are probably unncessary, pathetic and false but I cannot shake them.
I haven't really told anybody these feelings.
Never found the appropriate time, place, friend or even level of alcohol consumption.
I realise I have amazing friends to turn to, but I feel intimdated to ask anyone if they can have a deep chat with me.
I'm one of those people who truly listen, but don't seem to have an intensely strong bond with someone whom they share everything with .
I need to open up willingly before time runs out and I crack.
Everything is building up, my thoughts, the issue with a friend a month ago, exams, assignments etc.
I want to ask someone to listen for a couple hours someplace quiet.
Please let me open up.
I'm so confused. I try to mask my thoughts behind other, more happier and lighter ones. But that doesn't do the trick for long.

I remember I began to tell the two people I fully trusted my thoughts.
One never replied back and the other did but not deep enough.

I know that in time my thoughts will change, but I don't see that in the near future.

Just ... please?

Life decisions

When forced to spend time alone with no one but your cat as comfort, you are stuck inside your head, forced to think unless you talk to yourself out loud or the aforementioned cat.
The past day and a half I have found myself in solitude as soon as I step through the front door each time.
I enter my own personal bubble, studying sleeping and facebooking.
But tonight I felt different.

I do not like cooking for only myself, thus my dinner was a sandwich tonight :)
I rather cook for others, to please others.
That's all I seem to do sometimes; please others.
Cooking, in my perspective, is a creative way to please someone. I need another
word for please my vocabulary is terrible.
My mind comes up with some of the most spontaneous thoughts that they are still
known to surprise even me.

Will I be living on my own one day? Or will it be with friends or eventually a family?
No doubt there will be one time in my life where I will live alone,
possibly with a cat. Who knows.
The past two days I hav gotten a taste of that aloneness (love my vocab?)

and of course the thoughts of living alone brought me to the future and of what I will do after high school.
So I have spend the last half an hour on the UOW website after they sent me a letter in the mail.

I have no idea. This is quite the tough decision.
I know that I would like to defer for a year or so before I enter the tertiary schooling system to become
a teacher.
I'm afraid of the future.

Will I be able to afford uni even? Which is probably why I'm defering, to save money and relax from 13
consecutive years of schooling.

Where will I go? Should I stay on the south coast?
Most People cannot wait until they leave this place and hardly look back.
Sometimes I feel that way too but I've had the best years of my life down here,
at scho even.

My thoughts are centred around the when's, what's, where's and why's.

On another note, exams are in a few days and I'm prepared for all of my
subjects but math and English, which are my worse. Freaking terrible I know.
The stress is only just beginning to kick in.
Sometimes I think that there must be something wrong with me for not
thinking about this sooner. To prioritize my subjects from hardest to easiest.
I have problems with prioritizing and organising school work most time.

On another note I am excited for my dad to get home :) he will come with procrastination
devises!! All three available seasons of Skins :):)

and my sister will be arriving tomorrow lunch time for the weekend... Again. Soon
she will move back down, I can see it coming.
I have to meet her at the bus stop, which means no school for me tomorrow. Studying math!

The future is never set in stone.

Time

Time flies by, whipping past your shoulder at an unidentifiable speed.

When alone in my bedroom I lie on my bed or sit at my computer desk and wonder what to do with myself.

Every minute that passes by, every second that ticks, is a proportion of time we have been given.

I cannot get my head around the fact that Term One of 2010 has almost concluded. As I think, I remember all the memories I have had this year, the exhilarating memories, the happy, the sad, the tearful, the scared, the adrenaline, the weird and, in rare cases, the normal memories.

I can remember, as if it were yesterday:
Christmas where I met my two youngest cousins for the first time.
New Years Eve spent with close friends.
The first day of school this year. Rachael and I turning up late and in front of the entire senior years.
Doing a Maccas run at 4am in the morning, sneaking out with Jess.
And yesterday (literally); stalking suspecting P plate cars with Maddy, Rach and Jess.

Six months seems like quite a long time. But I’ve realised something. That’s all I have left of schooling. I never realised either that this term would go by quite as fast as it has been.

In the next six months I would be done with school, preparing for my HSC, probably buying my Year 12 formal dress and yet, still would be sitting in this very room from time to time, wondering about time.

You never appreciate what you had, until you have lost it.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote an email to myself which will be sent to me on my eighteenth birthday. The website is www.futureme.org I think.

From this site you can write an email, select a future date, and send it to yourself which you shall receive on that selected date (just as long as you have the same email address... which I think I should have in seven months still).

I spend two hours (with breaks) typing everything that I felt into that letter, even writing down some questions about myself asking my future self how I handled the HSC.

This idea may seem incredibly stupid or weird to you, but I’m extremely excited to read it again. I have already forgotten a few of the many things I expressed in that email. In a couple of months I hope to completely forget I wrote the email (or at least forget the majority of the content) so that on the day I am considered an ‘adult’ I will receive that I perceive to be a 10 page letter. No doubt I will check my emails as I do every day.

If you are reading this, I suggest writing an email to your future self. You can set it for years down the track, any date you wish. If you feel like venting and even if you do in this blog but need something more personal, write it to yourself.
It worked for me.

Do not let time get the better of you. Grasp onto those memories as tight as a baby would with a toy.

Everything?

Does anyone know EVERYTHING about you?
I can honestly say that no one knows every single little detail about me. By ‘every detail’ I don’t mean what colour my shoelaces; that kind of detail.
I’m talking about the personal details.

No one takes the time to find out details, no matter how insignificant, about their best friends anymore.
Nor, sometimes, do those friends take the time to answer those questions one may ask them.

I don’t bother anymore. No one delves deep enough in my life to find out anything.
I’ve only ever really trusted two people. One now hates me for some stupid reason which seems to make sense to her. I have no decided she is not worth all the tears over.

The other is still there, though not as often.
I do not know if I can completely trust again. Although, it’s not like I have people lining up to find out.

One day I think I may possibly break down during class. I’ve almost done that twice this week.
Though that was mainly to do with my issue with my former best friend. I think she fails to see my suffering and pain, and only sees hers, not to be selfish or a bitch or anything. My blog, my opinion.

On a more positive note. School photos were today. I loved the Year 12 Muck Up one.

I can't

You know what... I can't do this anymore.
The tears, the pain, the stress, the workload, the suffering.
What is it all for?
I don't seem be getting anything out of it.
Spending day in day out like this.
I wish most things were different.
I don't like this situation at the moment.
I don't like school at the moment.
I don't like myself at the moment.
I need someone to really notice.
I need someone unbiased.
I need someone to sit there for hours in person and let me talk outloud and receive comfort.
Why can't I just let go?
Why can't I put my head down and study/do homework more?

I'm considering leaving and never coming back.
Things can't possibly get any worse.

If you're getting sick of my blogs.. don't read them.
I use them as a way to let out things.

Mistake

A Mistake can be defined as a misunderstanding/an error/carelessness.

It does not matter how big or small a mistake is, it changes things, more often than not, in a negative way.

One mistake can cause someone to fall over.
One mistake can cause a couple to break up.
One mistake can cause someone to fail an exam.
One mistake can cause someone to die.
One mistake can cause someone to be born.
One mistake can cause a friendship to be lost.

However, I do not think the human race could function without mistakes. It just seems to be a regular part of people’s lives.

A few minor mistakes made recently by myself and another person has resulted in a lost friendship which I doubt will be reconnected any time soon.
One careless mistake made on my behalf before I knew the truth, and one deliberate(?) mistake made by the other person has caused this.
I refuse to apologise.

My last two page apology letter resulted in being told to ef off and that the person never wishes to see me again after this year has ended.

Five months ago I never thought this would happen.
Five months ago we were sitting around planning to move in together after we finish High School. Now I do not even know where she plans to head after school has finished.

It is not my turn to apologise.

That person needs to apologise for what she has said and how she has been acting lately.
It does not help that we have the same friends, and sit together during breaks at school.

I am sick of the looks I am receiving. Not necessarily glares as much as blank , expressionless looks.

Whenever I begin to contribute to a conversation involving her, the person stops talking, stands there for a minute, and then proceeds to walk off to another one of our many shared friends.

What an amazing way to spend the last year of school. Constantly trying ot ignore each other.
One day I know that that person will realise what they have lost.

Me.

I will not wait around forever; for her to forgive me. Why should I have to be forgiven?
Mistakes made on behalf of us both and I’m the one that was in the wrong?
I did not know the truth when I had made my mistake.

The person did.

Therefore I will not wait around for her.
I’m trying so hard to forget but it’s impossible when that person is constantly in your face.

I’m worried that whenever the group plans to do activities outside of school, one of us will have to be left out.

But I do not think that the both of us can even act polite. Therefore how are we, as a group, meant to hang out together? Have fun? Do the ‘legal’ things we do?
I’m afraid that we’ve put our friends in a terrible position regarding the both of us.

I am terribly sorry for that.

8 Day Challenge

I’ve been thinking lately that I eat an immense load of junk and fatty foods. I have made a challenge to myself to completely cut myself off from them, and asked my friend, Nick, how long he reckons I can last.

He thinks a week.

So now we have come up with a challenge that will take me from Wednesday the 3rd of March until Thursday the 11th March, ridding myself of unnecessary junk and fatty foods.

If I last that long I will be epically proud of myself, as will others I hope.
And after that week I hope to moderate my intake.
This week is going to be hard.

I’m planning an Easter Egg hunt for my lovely friends tomorrow at lunch and I cannot eat the eggs. I bought them. But I plan to save a couple to eat next Friday :)
Anita.

Procrastination

I just read over my last blog and found it to be highly pathetic. I was not in a very good place when I wrote that. But I’ve decided to leave it up there because hardly anyone will read it and it will serve as a reminder as to what was running through my head at 1am in the morning a few days ago.... although it is mildly embarrassing. I think I sounded like some whiney person now that I read over it.
Have you ever read over something and asked yourself why you wrote it? Like going through your outbox in your phone or emails? I’ve done that a few times also with reading past MSN conversations.
I just don’t seem to think much of how I sound when I’m busy typing like a lunatic. I type extremely fast when I’m angry/upset/in a hurry. Which can also cause some typos which I never bother to go back and fix up... because that would take more time.
So my past three blogs have shown a depressing side of me.
But I’m trying to get there and distracting myself seems to work fairly well.
It’s not like anyone reads this anyway. I have my one and only trusty follower, my Celery Stick. Hi Jess.
At the moment I’m procrastinating a ton of homework. I’ve been neglecting my blog for the past few days. I was told by a friend to relax and take it easy so I spent the weekend doing absolutely nothing productive. I didn’t touch my homework once. I curled up in bed for the majority of the two days on my iPod and reading.
Although both days I did get dressed and that. I didn’t spend all the time in my pyjamas (:
Today has been extremely cold. And although these Year 12 Jumpers look amazing, the white sleeves tend to get dirty sooo easy that it’s unbelievable.
Two seconds in order to get dirty
Five days in order to get it clean.
My Nan does not trust my father in cleaning my jumper so she takes it back to her house and cleans it thoroughly and by hand then has to wait for it to dry by itself. Thus the five days.
Exams are coming up in three weeks.
Why is it that I cannot think of anything relatively happy to say?
Today I managed to work out that the reason why I have not been understanding some things right in Maths is due to my calculator being retarded. Well... that and i did not realise I had to put the power in brackets. I’ve never realised that I had to before.
Thanks to Mary for showing me the right way... during Religion.
I’m looking forward to the holidays. Hopefully I get to spend quite a fair bit of it doing things that I will hopefully not forget.
I need to create as many happy memories as possible this year. So far I think the happy and bad memories are weighing almost equal at the moment with everything that has happened.
Now I just hope I pass Math during the half yearlys and then the balance would weigh more towards being happy.
I love the cold weather.
Oh I just realised. School Photos next Wednesday. It’s during the summer uniform this time so apparently no ties. I guess that means you cannot wear tights as well.
I don’t know how I’m going to manage. I do not like wearing socks with the skirt. I do not feel comfortable. It’s ridiculous but it is how I feel.
I’m just going to come to school in tights but pack a pair of socks in case they ask me to wear the stupid socks. I wonder if I even have a matching pair seeing as it has been over since I wore socks with the uniform.
I need more winter clothes.
It is officially the beginning of Autumn and the weather reflects that.
My, this blog has gone off into different tangents.
Best do homework. I aim to complete some English, math and religion tonight and it’s already 7:18pm. Oh yay.
Anita.

Nowhere

It’s official.
I think I have lost the one thing I thought I would never lose.
My best friend.
Let’s face it people, we change. Those changes are not necessarily good.
And when they are not, shit like this happens.
I now find myself in a very bad position.
I cannot disclose anything (well most of) what happened because it is not my place to say.
Let’s just say that I found out myself.
And the blame has been shifted onto me about how I hate to not know and only found out because I pryed deep into something personal.
Which I did not.
So I find myself without a best friend, without anyone knowing the truth, without anyone to turn to, without a complete English narrative for tomorrow morning.
It is 12:30am and I’m up writing this 1000 word narrative due tomorrow... today.
I have been distracted all afternoon by this problem and now I aim to go to bed at 1am, not fall asleep until 3am. Wake up again at 6am and finish this narrative. So far I’ve written 556 words out of 1000. Great, just over half way.
Can someone FML?
I don't care that I'm probably claiming about some stupid insignifcant issue. To me this isn't and I'm deeply hurt by everything.

Why?

Warning... language ahead.

Small blog, but big meaning to me.

I fucked up... again.

I just cant help myself can I?

I wish

I wish I could sit here and write something deep and meaningful, but my mind is blank. I generally keep to myself, hide my pain and suffering and protect myself from quite a few things in life.

I am not wild. Sometimes I wish I were more outgoing and adventurous, always taking chances and being spontaneous.
I am not any of that really.
Not unless I am being pressures into it somehow.

This is me though. I am quiet and shy until I know you.
This is why some people don't bother to talk to shy people; they see (or hear) at first, the outgoing, loud personalities.

It's taken me a few years to ge lt where I am now. The past few months I've been told how much more louder I am ( in a good way).
That makes me happy.

I used to be different.
And again in a few years I shall remember myself now thinking the same thing that I'm thinking of now.

I still get extremely nervous when doing anything from class discussions, reading at assembllies to reading out speeches in class.

I feel judged standing in front of everyone who probably don't all accept me, who do not all know me for me and those who may not have seen my more outgoing nature that I save for my close friends.

Sometimes I try to change.
Sometimes I try not to change.

This year is about change.
I wish for it to be an amazing year.

This year changes quite a number of things.

Where you going in life
Becoming a legal adult
Completing final year of high school
The HSC
Perhaps it may even change your residence, friendships, and views.

I do not know.
But I do know that at the end of this year, change will be big.

I hope by then I am more comfortable with myself and more confident.

This is probably as deep as I can get :)

I wish that to be my late 'from february' new years resolution.

Heading up to Sydney

Today was one of the days I had been waiting for since last September. Today Lydia and I were going up to Sydney and tomorrow we will be going to Soundwave.

We left Moruya at 3pm and arrived at her brother's house in Sydney around 7:30-8pm.

It was quite a humourous trip.
We learnt a number of things on the way there.

1. My iPod can last a hell of a long time on low battery
2. Lydia's computer is shit
3. We can drive most of the way without P plates so we can go faster
4. Red Bull cars speed, most likely due to all of the RED BULL the drivers may inhale
5. Lydia can last over 100km while needing to pee desperately
6. Where the hell is Picton?
7. GPS' really do help
8. Foodworks close heaps early
9. The Maccas in Ulladulla have working ice cream machines, unlike the Bay
10. All Victorians seem to drive slow
11. Do not drive in a NO SERVICE range, the parentals freak out
12. Sydney is confusing with it's many traffic lights
13. We're glad that they have warnings about speed cameras ahead.
14. When the signs say 'POLICE ENFORCE ROAD WORK SPEEDS'... they mean it. We went through a road work area and they were there with their speed measuring thingos
15. L plates are also slow (yes I am still one but meh)
16. The stupid GPS takes the routes that bypass all civilisation causing us to not see a suburb in almost two hours... which led us towards wherever the hell Picton was until we came back on the HUME highway.
17. People in curtosy buses wave to you
18. Red cop cars are frequent
19. Lydia can drive a long distance car trip and not crash or kill us
20. Time flies when you're having fun

I can probably go on, but I shall leave it there

SOUNDWAVE TOMORROW!!

Brooke Simon

Brooke Simon.

I love you with all my heart and I hope that you can see it. I really want you to see it and to never doubt yourself and think that you are not worthy of such love and friendship with everyone.
I know I have known you only since October last year but I felt as though you have been with me for ages, through thick and thin; tears and laughter; happy and sad memories.
You belong within our group in Moruya, you always will. Never doubt that you do not fit in. We all love you and would do anything for you.
I love to see you happy.
You make me happy.
I can trust you completely and I can turn to you for anything, and I hope you can do the same.
I’ve told you a couple of things that I have not been able to tell anyone else, because you’re different (in a good way).
I am grateful that I got to meet you, and get to know you, and love you and become one of your friends.
You’re an amazingly fantastic, beautiful person.
Your smile is contagious.
You bring excitement and adventure.
Your personality and nature compliment our group.
I feel as though I can be one hundred percent myself around you. We are similar in a few ways and I feel as though we can connect.
You get my sense of humour. We can be complete idiots but still have fun.
Never forget who you are, and never change yourself.
I love you as you are, and I always will love you immensely. That will never change.
You are gorgeous.
You will never, ever be a disappointment to me.
You never should apologise for being yourself.
I love you Brooke Simon.

Anita xo

PS: I do not care how corny this may look or sound (:

Floods

Right, so I’m wondering whether I can actually stick to this and write almost every day. But knowing me, I’ll slack off after a month or so.

The Swimming Carnival was meant to be today, but it was raining so it was cancelled… yet again. So we have a normal Monday Week B. Joy. At least I had Lydia this morning to keep me company. Now that my sister has moved to Canberra and Dad works every week day (leaving at 6am), I’ve been getting ready by myself.

It’s kind of lonely. So usually I get my cat in so I can hear him meow.
Pathetic?
That or I put on catchy music to wake me up.

Today started out boring. Got told to put my hair up twice by Mrs. Harris. But man, you should have seen the rain!
It was torrential.
People started to go home at recess. The courtyard was flooded, the oval was flooded, near the girl’s bathroom was flooded. Puddles everywhere. The Resource Centre was packed with people sheltering from the rain.

During English we got word that Bingi and Tuross has been flooded and inaccessible. Which meant a few people could not make it home. Also everything further south the Moruya was closed off. This included Narooma, Dalmenyy, Bingi, Tuross, Bodalla, and Tilba.

It was eventful but I was wondering if the two ways home would flood and I’d be stranded in Broulee or somewhere in the Bay for the night.

There was one positive thing. That was that school is now cancelled and will not be on tomorrow. I hope it’s a cold day that I can lay in bed with my laptop and work on homework, watch movies and read (:

Fair keen actually. This has never happened before. You hear about Snow Days in America and Canada and England etc, but now that we have one (but rain day)… it’s exciting!

Oh oh, today I went into the Commonwealth Bank to activate a new bank account and connect my old one to it.
My reason being? Well… I want a plastic card for my wallet (:

I’m contemplating either working on my hospitality assignment or watching a DVD. Or I could multitask and do both?

PS: this blog is meant to document my last year at school, thus being titled TwentyTen. At the end of the year I plan to go back through and read all of my posts.
PPS: I’ll include posts of the flooded areas of Moruya that I took this afternoon. I cannot be bothered to upload them from my phone at the present moment.

Anita xo

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.

Nothing special. Nothing exciting. For me anyway.

I just decided to create this blog. Apparently quite a number of people are making them. I was told to make one by my friend, Jess a few days ago. Finally got round into doing so :)

Today was pouring down rain. One of those days where you have no motivation but to lie in bed all day and watch movies or read. I did just that, having to finish my english novel, "Great Expectations" by tomorrow. Just under 200 pages to go.

Then I finally decided to update my iTunes. After that downloaded, it made my iPod crash.
I freaked out.
It wouldnt do anything but tell me to connect it to the USB, which it was. After fifteen minutes I finally figured out how to restore it.

Bu in this, I thought I lost all the quotes I had saved on there, and where I was up to in a couple of games I had been playing on it.

But... appparently iTunes had a back up of it. HUH.

And now it's back to normal. All I had to do was let it sync 700 songs, 500 photos, 10 apps, and rearrange everything.

Nothing else exciting. I hope I actually keep this blog up and running and not forget about it.

Also watched Julie and Julia today. I quite enjoyed that movie.