Nowhere

It’s official.
I think I have lost the one thing I thought I would never lose.
My best friend.
Let’s face it people, we change. Those changes are not necessarily good.
And when they are not, shit like this happens.
I now find myself in a very bad position.
I cannot disclose anything (well most of) what happened because it is not my place to say.
Let’s just say that I found out myself.
And the blame has been shifted onto me about how I hate to not know and only found out because I pryed deep into something personal.
Which I did not.
So I find myself without a best friend, without anyone knowing the truth, without anyone to turn to, without a complete English narrative for tomorrow morning.
It is 12:30am and I’m up writing this 1000 word narrative due tomorrow... today.
I have been distracted all afternoon by this problem and now I aim to go to bed at 1am, not fall asleep until 3am. Wake up again at 6am and finish this narrative. So far I’ve written 556 words out of 1000. Great, just over half way.
Can someone FML?
I don't care that I'm probably claiming about some stupid insignifcant issue. To me this isn't and I'm deeply hurt by everything.

Why?

Warning... language ahead.

Small blog, but big meaning to me.

I fucked up... again.

I just cant help myself can I?

I wish

I wish I could sit here and write something deep and meaningful, but my mind is blank. I generally keep to myself, hide my pain and suffering and protect myself from quite a few things in life.

I am not wild. Sometimes I wish I were more outgoing and adventurous, always taking chances and being spontaneous.
I am not any of that really.
Not unless I am being pressures into it somehow.

This is me though. I am quiet and shy until I know you.
This is why some people don't bother to talk to shy people; they see (or hear) at first, the outgoing, loud personalities.

It's taken me a few years to ge lt where I am now. The past few months I've been told how much more louder I am ( in a good way).
That makes me happy.

I used to be different.
And again in a few years I shall remember myself now thinking the same thing that I'm thinking of now.

I still get extremely nervous when doing anything from class discussions, reading at assembllies to reading out speeches in class.

I feel judged standing in front of everyone who probably don't all accept me, who do not all know me for me and those who may not have seen my more outgoing nature that I save for my close friends.

Sometimes I try to change.
Sometimes I try not to change.

This year is about change.
I wish for it to be an amazing year.

This year changes quite a number of things.

Where you going in life
Becoming a legal adult
Completing final year of high school
The HSC
Perhaps it may even change your residence, friendships, and views.

I do not know.
But I do know that at the end of this year, change will be big.

I hope by then I am more comfortable with myself and more confident.

This is probably as deep as I can get :)

I wish that to be my late 'from february' new years resolution.

Heading up to Sydney

Today was one of the days I had been waiting for since last September. Today Lydia and I were going up to Sydney and tomorrow we will be going to Soundwave.

We left Moruya at 3pm and arrived at her brother's house in Sydney around 7:30-8pm.

It was quite a humourous trip.
We learnt a number of things on the way there.

1. My iPod can last a hell of a long time on low battery
2. Lydia's computer is shit
3. We can drive most of the way without P plates so we can go faster
4. Red Bull cars speed, most likely due to all of the RED BULL the drivers may inhale
5. Lydia can last over 100km while needing to pee desperately
6. Where the hell is Picton?
7. GPS' really do help
8. Foodworks close heaps early
9. The Maccas in Ulladulla have working ice cream machines, unlike the Bay
10. All Victorians seem to drive slow
11. Do not drive in a NO SERVICE range, the parentals freak out
12. Sydney is confusing with it's many traffic lights
13. We're glad that they have warnings about speed cameras ahead.
14. When the signs say 'POLICE ENFORCE ROAD WORK SPEEDS'... they mean it. We went through a road work area and they were there with their speed measuring thingos
15. L plates are also slow (yes I am still one but meh)
16. The stupid GPS takes the routes that bypass all civilisation causing us to not see a suburb in almost two hours... which led us towards wherever the hell Picton was until we came back on the HUME highway.
17. People in curtosy buses wave to you
18. Red cop cars are frequent
19. Lydia can drive a long distance car trip and not crash or kill us
20. Time flies when you're having fun

I can probably go on, but I shall leave it there

SOUNDWAVE TOMORROW!!

Brooke Simon

Brooke Simon.

I love you with all my heart and I hope that you can see it. I really want you to see it and to never doubt yourself and think that you are not worthy of such love and friendship with everyone.
I know I have known you only since October last year but I felt as though you have been with me for ages, through thick and thin; tears and laughter; happy and sad memories.
You belong within our group in Moruya, you always will. Never doubt that you do not fit in. We all love you and would do anything for you.
I love to see you happy.
You make me happy.
I can trust you completely and I can turn to you for anything, and I hope you can do the same.
I’ve told you a couple of things that I have not been able to tell anyone else, because you’re different (in a good way).
I am grateful that I got to meet you, and get to know you, and love you and become one of your friends.
You’re an amazingly fantastic, beautiful person.
Your smile is contagious.
You bring excitement and adventure.
Your personality and nature compliment our group.
I feel as though I can be one hundred percent myself around you. We are similar in a few ways and I feel as though we can connect.
You get my sense of humour. We can be complete idiots but still have fun.
Never forget who you are, and never change yourself.
I love you as you are, and I always will love you immensely. That will never change.
You are gorgeous.
You will never, ever be a disappointment to me.
You never should apologise for being yourself.
I love you Brooke Simon.

Anita xo

PS: I do not care how corny this may look or sound (:

Floods

Right, so I’m wondering whether I can actually stick to this and write almost every day. But knowing me, I’ll slack off after a month or so.

The Swimming Carnival was meant to be today, but it was raining so it was cancelled… yet again. So we have a normal Monday Week B. Joy. At least I had Lydia this morning to keep me company. Now that my sister has moved to Canberra and Dad works every week day (leaving at 6am), I’ve been getting ready by myself.

It’s kind of lonely. So usually I get my cat in so I can hear him meow.
Pathetic?
That or I put on catchy music to wake me up.

Today started out boring. Got told to put my hair up twice by Mrs. Harris. But man, you should have seen the rain!
It was torrential.
People started to go home at recess. The courtyard was flooded, the oval was flooded, near the girl’s bathroom was flooded. Puddles everywhere. The Resource Centre was packed with people sheltering from the rain.

During English we got word that Bingi and Tuross has been flooded and inaccessible. Which meant a few people could not make it home. Also everything further south the Moruya was closed off. This included Narooma, Dalmenyy, Bingi, Tuross, Bodalla, and Tilba.

It was eventful but I was wondering if the two ways home would flood and I’d be stranded in Broulee or somewhere in the Bay for the night.

There was one positive thing. That was that school is now cancelled and will not be on tomorrow. I hope it’s a cold day that I can lay in bed with my laptop and work on homework, watch movies and read (:

Fair keen actually. This has never happened before. You hear about Snow Days in America and Canada and England etc, but now that we have one (but rain day)… it’s exciting!

Oh oh, today I went into the Commonwealth Bank to activate a new bank account and connect my old one to it.
My reason being? Well… I want a plastic card for my wallet (:

I’m contemplating either working on my hospitality assignment or watching a DVD. Or I could multitask and do both?

PS: this blog is meant to document my last year at school, thus being titled TwentyTen. At the end of the year I plan to go back through and read all of my posts.
PPS: I’ll include posts of the flooded areas of Moruya that I took this afternoon. I cannot be bothered to upload them from my phone at the present moment.

Anita xo

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.

Nothing special. Nothing exciting. For me anyway.

I just decided to create this blog. Apparently quite a number of people are making them. I was told to make one by my friend, Jess a few days ago. Finally got round into doing so :)

Today was pouring down rain. One of those days where you have no motivation but to lie in bed all day and watch movies or read. I did just that, having to finish my english novel, "Great Expectations" by tomorrow. Just under 200 pages to go.

Then I finally decided to update my iTunes. After that downloaded, it made my iPod crash.
I freaked out.
It wouldnt do anything but tell me to connect it to the USB, which it was. After fifteen minutes I finally figured out how to restore it.

Bu in this, I thought I lost all the quotes I had saved on there, and where I was up to in a couple of games I had been playing on it.

But... appparently iTunes had a back up of it. HUH.

And now it's back to normal. All I had to do was let it sync 700 songs, 500 photos, 10 apps, and rearrange everything.

Nothing else exciting. I hope I actually keep this blog up and running and not forget about it.

Also watched Julie and Julia today. I quite enjoyed that movie.