Sister

Sister: A female person who has the same parents as another person.

I don’t really know what to rant about in my blog today. Actually, I do have some things but I’d rather not say to the world; things I unhealthily keep bottled up inside my muddled up mind.
Lately I’ve been forced into a negative environment and I don’t know if I can handle it anymore.
It hurts to be called the things I’ve been called by my sister the past couple of days. It’s like she cannot bear to see me happy, that I don’t deserve happiness.

I’m a poor excuse for a teenager.
A poor excuse for a 17 year old.
A poor excuse for a Year 12er.
A poor excuse for a sister.
A poor excuse for a girl.

Having her say these things to me, as well as others, day after day eventually does drill into my head.
My friends would say otherwise, but I don’t know? I’m constantly around her and I cannot escape.
She doesn’t see what she’s doing to me. She knows it’s hurting me though. It’s unbelievable how much I let it get to me.
She’s family. I feel as though I cannot do anything because no one listens to me. No one can control her. I know I’m meant to love her, and I do. I just wish she never moved back down here again almost a month ago.

One minute she is calling me fat and ugly, the next she’s trying to laugh with me.
I don’t feel like laughing.
She’s loud, she’s obnoxious, she’s controlling, she’s a cake face, she’s just pathetic in a way.
But still she gets to me and I cannot block her out.
Okay, I’m at a loss for where to continue in this blog so I guess I may just leave it. I’m in the process of writing my close friends letters which I will hand to them in one go.
Off to write.

Anita.