List

List: a database containing an ordered array of items (names or topics).

A couple of days ago I began to create a Bucket List which I aim to complete before I ‘kick the bucket’. I did get the idea from a couple friends of mine that have a list already and are on their way to completing it. I’ve spent the last couple of months just sporadically thinking about life and what I wish to squeeze out of it. Yes, I do hope to have a family someday, make a decent living and own a nice car.

I was thinking more along the lines of experience when I began writing the list. Some of them are what you could generally expect to appear on one’s Bucket List such as learn sign language, or visit a foreign country. Others I spent time thinking about, just wondering what sort of things I wanted to achieve in order to feel accomplishment and to feel as though my life was worth living. Some of the items reflect my personality and nature to a tee; ones in which I am extremely excited to complete.

I don’t have anything else to write about in this blog that would interest anyone, so instead I will include the list of 51 items.

1. Go counter clockwise at a roundabout
2. Fly Internationally
3. Fly Domestically
4. Travel to America to drive on right hand side
5. Be a witness for a Vegas wedding
6. Climb Mt. Kosciusko
7. Club hop
8. Club in a gay club
9. Write an exact 10,000 word story (may include title)
10. Dine by myself at a restaurant
11. Build a picnic table
12. Buy everything featured on one page of a catalogue (eg: KMART, Woolies etc)
13. Climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge
14. Bake and decorate cakes and cupcakes for five hours straight
15. Give up chocolate and all chocolate related products for one month
16. Read any version of the dictionary cover to cover
17. Complete a 2000 piece jig-saw puzzle
18. Play an entire game of golf
19. Visit the snow and learn to ski
20. Learn and REMEMBER how to say hello in 25 different languages
21. Ride in a hot air balloon
22. Travel to England
23. Go on a cruise
24. Learn sign language
25. Bounce 100 times on a pogo stick without falling off
26. Spray paint a car
27. Grow cucumbers
28. Participate in the 40 Hour Famine
29. Donate blood
30. Drive a Ferrari
31. Burn a Twilight book
32. Create a Youtube video
33. Do not talk for a week
34. Put away a $1 each day for an entire year and then give it to a Charity
35. Trace my family tree back several generations
36. Do not sleep for 48 hours
37. Cover all commonly used furniture with bubble wrap
38. Learn Logs and Exponentials
39. Spontaneously hop on a plane destined for somewhere within Australia and spend the night there.
40. Visit the Gold Coast
41. Sponsor a child
42. Jump off of a bridge (into water… deep water… but not incredibly deep water)
43. Go and see some football game live
44. Visit my childhood school, house, town (cannot complete until at least 30-40)
45. No internet access for one week
46. Take up photography
47. Meet a celebrity (doesn’t need to be really famous)
48. Walk through a busy mall in a city dressed in a some sort of animal suit
49. Write down EVERYTHING that is bothering you
50. Collect 200 pens
51. Record all Bucket List completions in a scrapbook

Search

Search: the activity of looking thoroughly in order to find something or someone.

It is incredibly frustrating when you have to do have to check the contents of your bedroom every morning before school and as soon as you arrive home from school. I HATE the fact that I have to spot check everywhere to ensure that nothing has been taken. To make it worse, you deny it every time. When something goes missing But, whenever you leave the house to hang out with your ‘friends’ I search through your private room and discover those items of mine.

But you see those things that you take as a benefit on your behalf; on my behalf it is a loss. These items are mine, bought by myself out of my own pocket. I can’t keep continuously supplying for you just because you enjoy spending six hours having a ball in my room, looking into every nook and cranny.

I have things to buy, things to do. This requires money, my money. I cannot afford to replace the items that you steal and then proceed to use. I’m in the process of saving up for the end of November, and attempting to spend wisely.

It does not help when you take clothes, jewellery, money, makeup, perfume, stationary, moisturises/body products, and other various small items you think I do not notice.

You’re wrong. I recently tidied my room and I know where EVERYTHING is. Yes, some I take more notice of and check daily, but mark my words, I do notice within a week of its disappearance.

I cannot keep up with you. If you had your way I would be left with nothing. You’re selfish and take what is not yours, without considering anything but your own needs and wants.

According to you, everything else is second after yourself. Trust me, that is not going to get you anywhere in life.

While I’m at school, completing secondary education, you’re at home watching Family Guy on DVD, hardly leaving the bedroom except to microwave some soup.

That’s not how to live. You only leave the house when it suits you best.
You only leave your bed when you need to use up all the hot water for the day in a boiling hot shower or pilfer through my room.

Yes, I am rambling but I am angry. I cannot make you realise that my room is my place.

Call the search off.

Edit

Edit: Prepare for publication or presentation by correcting, revising or adapting.

Some people would say that life could be compared to a play. Each Act describes a various stage within our life such as Primary School and High School. The scenes describing the sub-units within each Act, such as Year 1 or Year 8. The first scene is our birth and our play’s last scene is our death.

If life is a play, shouldn’t we, as the play writers, decide what is incorporated into it, the stage directions, dialogue, characters and the plot? Shouldn’t we edit the play before it is shown in front of an audience?

Unfortunately, we are unable to edit our play. So some extent we have control over who should be in our play, our lives, what we say and do and how the plot pans out. But we have no control over the past; the previous Acts and Scenes.
Unlike a film, we cannot go back and edit the film before it is displayed to an audience. We cannot practice living our lives over and over again until we have perfected it.

I wish that I could edit my life, my past and my experiences so that it is fit for publication. I wish that I could correct my mistakes, revise my future before performing it and adapting my life to suit my standards.
But this is not so. You cannot edit the past. You cannot edit the future because it is unknown.

Actors know the entire dialogue, stage directions and plot for the play they perform. They have practiced and practiced in order to build up their character.

In a way this does relate to us. Throughout our play, we grow as a character and establish relationships with other characters. We are the protagonist, and we have enemies; antagonists. There are minor characters in our lives that do not change who we are, and then we have those characters that are important to our plot line, and our characterisation.

So I guess, in my opinion, a play could be a metaphor for life.
I only wish that we could edit our play.

I shall leave you with the inspiration for this blog.

“It is not my intention to give away the plot; but i think I die at the end.” – W;t by Margaret Edson (page 2).

“This is my play’s last scene, here heavens appoint
My pilgrimages last mile; and my race
Idly, yet quickly run, hath this last pace,
My spans last inch, my minutes last point,
And gluttonous death will instantly unjoint
My body, and soul...” an excerpt from Holy Sonnet – This is My Play’s Last Scene by John Donne.

Responsibility

Responsibilty: the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force.

As you grow older you are held responsible for more things.
At first it was to dress yourself, make your bed and eat your vegetables.
Now it is to be a role model and a perfect example for the entire school.
Of course responsibilites can be separated into different sections. Responsibilities as a student, role model, member of a family, friend and a member of the local community.

Some days I just wish my list of responsibilities was to make my bed. Some days I hate having responsibilities.
We can either be forced into them or volunteer; usually a mixture of both.

You volunteer to hold the responsibility of being a good driver because that also benefits yourself. You volunteer to get something out of it. 

Like the defintion above, some you are forced into and demanded to comply; such as vacuuming daily or cleaning your room when you'd rather be with your friends or even on facebook.
There are those rare incidents where people volunteer for more responsibilies because that is there nature and they do not mind.

I like to think that when I volunteer for responsibilities I am helping someone in an unselfish way.
For example the Red Shield Appeal at the end of May.
Though sometimes I am selfish.

Recently the entire year has been reproached for our 'lack of accepting the responsibility as leaders of the school.'
It confuses me as to how having every year 12er wearing their ties up to their chin, hair up, shirts tucked in and wearing the correct shirt will make the younger years do it too.

Having too many responsibilities at a time can have a negative effect. It only makes the individual rush to keep each, which may show poor results.

I'm responsible for my own wellfare, homework, getting ready in the morning alone, studying for the HSC, managing my time efficiently, being a role model, applying myself wisely in class and at home, and yes makin my bed and getting dressed. To name a few.

Sometimes I have to rush through things in order to complete them all. I then look back and realise I could have done better. 

Responsibilties; neverending.    

Mother

Mother: A woman who has given birth to a child (also used as a term of address to your mother).

My, it’s been a while since I have blogged; two weeks almost. During that time I’ve actually began to write a few, but ended up giving up half way through because I lost my ‘edge’?

Today is Mother’s Day. The whole of Australia recognises today as the day to celebrate our mothers, grandmothers, aunties even.
As usual, I didn’t even get to see mine.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me if I didn’t make my mum breakfast in bed, or buy her a material gift to prove my love for her.
I do love her, despite everything that has happened between us in my life. I just hope that she does know that I love her, even during the times I have caused her pain, and vice versa.

Deep down, it is there. I’ve never had a close bond with her. I actually have not seen her since January the 18th when I visited her at her work for five minutes with a couple of friends; the first friends of mine to meet my mother.

Yes, I do feel guilty that I have not been able to see her for four months, and I plan to see her within the next month if things go according to plan.
I love you mum.

This weekend has been average of sorts, but then again, it has been the best weekend I’ve had in about two weeks.
Friday night I watched movies with two of my close friends.
Saturday I went shopping and picked up new school shoes, a pair of winter pyjamas, nail polish and makeup.
Saturday afternoon was spent helping my beautiful friend clean her house, and then plan for an epic night; which sadly failed.

And Sunday; today. I did not leave the house and instead actually did study notes for Business Studies and Biology. My aim is to have all of my study notes (except for Maths) finished and ready before the holidays so that I can go out during that time and not feel guilty for not studying for the Trail HSC, which is looming ahead.

It just amazes me how quickly time is passing. Just yesterday I remember rocking up back at school on the 29th of January with Rachael and our dodgy parking in front of the entire two senior years. Now, we’re slowly preparing ourselves for the big practice HSC exams. Our one practice to have a slight taste test of the real deal.

I’m scared.

I can admit that. I am so worried about how everything is going to pan out in the next six months.
I suppose I should just let it take its course? But wear a helmet just in case? Perhaps even shin pads?

Unpredictable. Life is unpredictable.

You could have the same routine, week in week out, like the school timetable, but that does not mean that life is predictable. You can’t see around corners. You can’t see what’s over the hill. You can’t see what life has in store for you next.

I’m just glad that I have an amazing group of friends that can take my mind off of the academic side of life, and focus more on creating memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life, even after I die.

This blog has been jumping about. And the light of the computer is soporific.

Goodnight.
Happy Mother’s Day.